1. "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

2. "Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."

3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

4. "Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

5. "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"

6. "Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie."

7. "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."

8. "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff

before?"

9. "Damn, there go the lights again....

"10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got

Two of them."

11. "What do you mean you want a divorce?"

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls,

bags of sand, etc.)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get

near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag,

and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and

act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top

Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around

suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the

briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When

trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do,

have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they

can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it

makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse,

and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go

away.

8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out

into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act

shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the

door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.

10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before

you give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order

their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at

anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window,

crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house

as you can.

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the

trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start

flipping through a calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests,

explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from

Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the

trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several

half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the

door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't

have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on

your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before

the pumpkin.

20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment

you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the

trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.